SPIRITUAL PARENTING…who are we kidding?

Leave your child alone!!!

You gave birth to your child because your child CHOSE  you as a parent!
Children choose the parents, not vice versa. All that the parents are required to give their children, is love.

Children have their own design of life, parents have their own. Freedom is a necessity and the right of every human being. We are born free. However, children’s dependency binds them to the parents. They are helpless and at the mercy of their parents. Parents with the notion of giving love are actually extracting so much from the children.

Children are the biggest targets to their parents’ anger and frustration. Imagine the terror and fear the small baby or child must be going through when he is targeted and intimidated. The child is the best source to steal energy from, since he goes into the fear mode immediately.  When parents intimidate the child or interrogate, or complain about their agonies in life, to the child, they are actually stealing the energy of the child. The parents have long forgotten how to gain energy from the cosmos. Hence, they are stealing energy from other humans. This is because, as a child, their parents stole their energy. Therefore, it goes on. Parents have long forgotten how to take energy from the cosmos. Now they are preparing their children to forget to take this cosmos energy, just as their parents prepared them.

Parents convert the blissful and joyful child soul into a materialistic. The baby is happy in the cradle with its own self. He has actually come to this earth, the human form, from a blissful state of in between state.  So it is the memory of the   bliss. It is contented, happy. It needs nothing to make it happier. It is gaining so much happiness from the source, the cosmos. However, the poor parents who have forgotten to take this very energy, pity the baby thinking it to be getting bored. They hang toys, sing, laugh, talk to the baby. This act pulls the baby from the cosmic bliss to the earth, from the light feeling to the dense earthly feeling, from the spiritual world to the materialistic world. The child gradually forgets the bliss and begins to depend upon external factors for the feeling of joy. It depends upon other people to approve its behaviour. When we adults praise every action of the baby, the baby then learns to do every act for the parent. It constantly requires approval from the parents and forgets what its liking is.

Balloons, toys and colors hung around the child’s cradle make the child dependent on these balloons, to feel joy. The parents think that the child requires to be entertained constantly. Therefore, very artistically the parents make their child materialistic and forget about it when the child becomes demanding and materialistic.
Actually, the baby is so busy pleasing the parents that it forgets to love himself/herself, which results in those future actions which are the result of feeling unloved.

So what is unconditional love towards your child? Loving him, accepting him exactly for what he is... Parents are all the while busy MAKING the child. They want to make the future of the child. A person who cannot make his own future or present...What is he doing by trying to make the future of the child!
Parents have the art of fulfilling their own dreams through their children. When will the child fulfil his own dream?

The child is expected to perform in school, academics, home and society like a “good boy”.  The child who keeps up to the parents’ image is a good child. This is called the “good boy” image. And as the child grows, he struggles to maintain this “good boy” image by trying to please everyone around him, sacrificing himself, his joys, his dreams.  The child who sacrifices the most (his naughty behaviour, his noises, his toys, his time, etc)….is the best child. How much the poor child has to pay to be the “best one”. Moreover, whom does he become the best for? ONLY the parents! To be approved and loved by them. He feels he will receive love only when he gives and sacrifices himself. He forgets the love within himself. The child craves for approval from his parents, through out his life.

By now, the parents get so much used to the child pleasing them, that the child is discarded if he does not do anything to please them. Therefore, the child who is the best is actually the one who is squeezed the most.

 The child attends school for about seven hours, followed by an hour of tuitions, then one hour plus studies at home, to add to it, the bag burden, the discipline burden, the pressure to perform, the manners expected, etc…imagine the stress of the child. Can’t he be natural for some time? Can a parent put in so many efforts?

Allow the freedom to your child, which you desired for yourself all the time. Allow him to be himself. Accept him as he is. Respect his desires and likings. Allow him to have the freedom of expression. Understand that he, too, has a right to tell you what he does not like about you. Do not be surprised if the suggestions that your child gives turn out to be appropriate. His intuition is better than yours. Be a good listener to him and to his so-called funny and stupid comments. You never know when he teaches you the best of philosophies of life. If you learn to notice him and listen to him, he is actually guiding you. He is the one who is teaching you.  You are missing the greatest and the best opportunities if you do not listen to your child. It is the parents who need to learn the art of living from children. Because, it comes naturally, from the within child.

No doubt, he needs to be disciplined. However, it must be done with a lot of love and care. “DON’TS” give the child a feeling of disapproval. He carries the feeling of unworthiness in future.

The child may say he was a doctor when he was a grown up. It means he is talking about his past life. Acknowledge and take note of every word he utters. It is actually a child who will never speak anything at random, or make meaningless and foolish comments or speak for the sake of formalities, just to keep the conservation going. The adults are, on the other hand, chattering senselessly, what they actually do not want to, to impress upon what they are not, to those whom they do not love.
It is not required to understand the child, but it is essential to understand yourself. Once you understand yourself, you will understand your child.

Whatever maybe the behaviour of the child, it is only your mirror. What you feel about the child that is exactly what you are! So focus on yourself to improve your child.

A spiritual parent is the one who is spiritual himself. There cannot be a non-spiritual person, who is a spiritual parent. Parenting happens. It is a natural process. Why is the terminology “parenting”, used?   Just walk with your child. Give him the love, accept him, be his friend and his companion. Imagine if your child says, “We need to do a spiritual kidding workshop?” Won’t you laugh at the child?

Embrace yourself, and you will embrace your child. Love yourself, and you will love your child. Respect yourself, and you can respect your child. Resolve your issues, and you will resolve the issues of your child. The parent, who is most distressed with his child, needs to work most on himself. The parent, who has come to a dead end in relation to the child, is at a dead end himself. Set yourself free. Allow yourself the bliss of enjoying every moment. The child will gain energy from your bliss. He will otherwise suffocate from your worries for him.

The child has come to fulfil his own karmas and learn his own lessons. Allow him to do it and respect him and his issues.  There is no need to blame you for his issues, he has chosen them. God is there to guide your child, just the way he is always there to guide you. Trust yourself, embrace yourself and accept yourself, so that your child trusts, embraces and accepts himself and YOU! ...Manasi ……November, 2007

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